The latest research shows that women are staying single longer.
Of course, we can’t deny all of the amazing things that go along with being single. Things like:
- Freedom from stereotypical gender responsibilities in the home
- The joy of coming and going, answering to no one but yourself
- A cornucopia of adventurous sexual liaisons
- The ability to focus on your career without the turbulence of relationship bullshit
However, not much can rival the pain of being single, when you’d rather be coupled!
While the power that comes with being single by choice is thrilling, nothing feels more powerless than being single by accident. Despite pasting on a smile and espousing the virtues of singledom to your coupled friends, it can feel like you’re one twitch away from breakdown. You can’t help but notice all the hand-holding, googly-eyed newlyweds, the women cooing softly to tiny newborns. Even the arguments of your married friends feel like enviable romantic encounters that promise to end in gloriously wonderful embraces.
Despite knowing that nothing is less appealing than a frantic 30-something desperately asking a first date what he sees for your future together, you cannot suppress your internal urgency. No amount of synthetic giggling can parallel the frisky, care-free attitude of your 23-year old self. Damn her. As your current Tinder match sits across from you, casually mentioning that his favorite activities are Kickball and Tinder, you can practically feel another egg wither.
“I want a boyfriend!” Syndrome
It’s the grandest of catch-22’s.
You are sincerely gratified by your work. You really have developed deep and stimulating friendships. You really do have a life beyond the world of online dating, yet the increasing pressure you’re under in this one area is creating an obsessive loop that is driving you (and everyone around you) batshit.
- Your friends are tired of hearing about another “asshole” who didn’t return your call
- Your mom cannot help but ask if you’re seeing anyone. yet.
- And even you, despite all your accomplishments, feel totally pathetic.
You’re in the right place.
Therapy is extremely useful when the struggle of being single-by-accident starts sapping the joy out of the rest of your life. Having a regular, blame-free place to process your feelings can start to relieve the pressure, leaving you free to just be – well – you.
Knowing that you’ll have somewhere to talk through your dating disappointments every “Tuesday at 5,” will allow you to put less emotional energy into each date and give you the freedom to have more genuine and lighthearted interactions where you can show up without all the expectations.
It is not uncommon for clients to enter therapy, all strained-smiles and fidgeting hands, desperate to convince their therapist that finding a partner really is “no big deal.” But in therapy, it’s okay for it to be a big deal. It doesn’t mean you’re a failure. In fact, quite the opposite is true – taking the steps to 
change things is a sign of maturity and hope.
It is one of the primary joys of my work to watch a client transform from anxious self-
critics into the confident, easy-going, silly and warm person that is hiding out underneath all of the suffering.
Needless to say, finding fulfilling relationships is much easier when you truly feel carefree. Clients are often surprised to discover that there are connections between their anxieties about dating, their professional performance and their friendships.
If you’re tired of ending another date with forced exclamations that you, too, are just thrilled to be single –
If you’re sick of obsessively checking your phone, a rollercoaster of frustration and despair when you see that there’s no response to your ‘casual’, “How’s it going?”-
If you long to be an engaging, curious and charismatic partner who attracts others,
Then I encourage you to schedule a consultation.
You don’t have to be alone with all of this. Not anymore.
